Quote of the day:
There is something in sorrow more akin to the course of human affairs than joy.
– C. Fitzhugh
There comes a time when everyone comes to a juncture in their life. When they finally discover the true meaning of something and realize it for what it is.
I suppose thatâ€™s what happened to me over the last few days. Perhaps why I couldnâ€™t blog. And still why I canâ€™t write.
I suppose I have realized that loving someone is wonderful. There is no more greater joy in life than thinking of the one true love. Butâ€¦ Loving someone and releasing them is painful. And it always will be.
I have to remind myself that my life has undergone a giant upheaval and that it will be different every single day from here on out. There is no more normalcy. To someone who has a hard time adapting to change â€“ thatâ€™s a calamity. Or it seems to be. I try to brush it off as â€œno big dealâ€ and that Iâ€™m â€œoverâ€ everything thatâ€™s happened. But every now and then itâ€™ll sneak up on me and blindside me with emotions I canâ€™t control.
I have to come to terms with the fact that my marriage was over years ago. I could have fought with the ex and stood my ground and refused to leave the day it came to a head, butâ€¦why? I didnâ€™t want to be there anymore and I had already made up my mind. I was ready to move on and the proof of that is how Iâ€™m doing today. I could be wallowing in self pity and depression every single day and drinking myself into a stupor. But you knowâ€¦Iâ€™m not. Because getting away from him was like getting a whole new me and I love who I am now.
Iâ€™ve thought about it long and hard these last two days. Iâ€™ve wept about it. Because sometimes you just need that release to heal. Sometimes itâ€™s the only way. Despite the self-confidence I feign, there still is that underlying factor that sometimes you just need to cry. So I did that.
There is never a good time to have babies or fall in love with someone. You can’t plan that shit. You can TRY to plan that shit but then there’s always something that throws a monkey wrench in the plan. It’s called life. That’s all. Just life. And sometimes you have to accept it for what it is.
So Iâ€™m accepting it for what it is and giving myself a break. Time to heal.
And enough of this depressing shit! Hope everyone has a lovely weekend. Iâ€™ll be at the chapter luncheon tomorrow. Hopefully it will motivate me to WRITE.