Quote of the day:
There is something in sorrow more akin to the course of human affairs than joy.
– C. Fitzhugh

There comes a time when everyone comes to a juncture in their life. When they finally discover the true meaning of something and realize it for what it is.

I suppose that’s what happened to me over the last few days. Perhaps why I couldn’t blog. And still why I can’t write.

I suppose I have realized that loving someone is wonderful. There is no more greater joy in life than thinking of the one true love. But… Loving someone and releasing them is painful. And it always will be.

I have to remind myself that my life has undergone a giant upheaval and that it will be different every single day from here on out. There is no more normalcy. To someone who has a hard time adapting to change – that’s a calamity. Or it seems to be. I try to brush it off as “no big deal” and that I’m “over” everything that’s happened. But every now and then it’ll sneak up on me and blindside me with emotions I can’t control.

I have to come to terms with the fact that my marriage was over years ago. I could have fought with the ex and stood my ground and refused to leave the day it came to a head, but…why? I didn’t want to be there anymore and I had already made up my mind. I was ready to move on and the proof of that is how I’m doing today. I could be wallowing in self pity and depression every single day and drinking myself into a stupor. But you know…I’m not. Because getting away from him was like getting a whole new me and I love who I am now.

I’ve thought about it long and hard these last two days. I’ve wept about it. Because sometimes you just need that release to heal. Sometimes it’s the only way. Despite the self-confidence I feign, there still is that underlying factor that sometimes you just need to cry. So I did that.

There is never a good time to have babies or fall in love with someone. You can’t plan that shit. You can TRY to plan that shit but then there’s always something that throws a monkey wrench in the plan. It’s called life. That’s all. Just life. And sometimes you have to accept it for what it is.

So I’m accepting it for what it is and giving myself a break. Time to heal.

And enough of this depressing shit! Hope everyone has a lovely weekend. I’ll be at the chapter luncheon tomorrow. Hopefully it will motivate me to WRITE.

By Michelle

I wish you all could be inside my head. The conversation is sparkling.