I’m angry. I mean, really really angry.

I got a notice in the mail stating I needed to pay a $100 fine because I ran a red light in XX town on - get this - OCTOBER 8, 2007. The notice was a collection notice because I had failed to pay. Most likely, I did run the red light. Okay, guilty as charged. But here’s what I’m ticked about.

1. I never received the original citation in the mail from XX city. NEVER. If I had, I would have paid it promptly and bitched because I ran a red light. And I clearly remember the day, too. It was one of those where you were too close to the intersection but didn’t want to slam on the brakes and skid to a stop through the intersection and look like a jackass. Okay, maybe that’s lame, but true. And I’m not a red light runner. I just don’t do it! But I digress. I never got the MFing citiation to begin with.

2. I called the company to find out what the deal was. They are a second party collection agency. And the guy actually accused me of lying about not receving the original notice! Because - according to him - people say that all the time to get out of the ticket. I was so angry at this I nearly came unglued. How dare he insinuate I was lying my way out of a ticket. I’m a law abiding citizen for the most part and I can tell you I’m pretty incensed he actually had the gall to say that to me. I seriously wanted to say, “FUCK YOU, buddy.” But I didn’t. I bit my tongue. Then he had the nerve to tell me to have a nice day. Screw you.

3. I got so agitated with him, I hung up. I decided to pay the fine via Visa (because I don’t have the cash right now) so I thought I’d just pay it online. Well, it wouldn’t work. So I had to call back. And the woman was a total bitch to me on the phone. There was a $10 convience fee for paying online. Maybe I should bend over and take it that way and get it over with. Can they make it any more inconvenient? “Not only did you run a red light but now we’re going to charge you out the ASS for paying online so you won’t have a WARRANT issued for your arrest.” Again. Fuck you.

4. Then she proceeds to tell me that if I want to pay by check, there will be a 14 day hold AND I have to send it certified. Okay, so if that’s the case then WHY THE FUCK doesn’t it say that in the FUCKING paper I received? She interrupts me before I can get that question out and and says they aren’t responsible for that sort of information via the paper. Oh, but you can tell me this over the phone? And P.S. Don’t interrupt me again, BITCH.

5. I paid the MFing fine over the phone. I took it the ass-beating. I paid the $10 “convenience fee” (oh and PS that will take 3-4 days before it clears the court).

You know what? They can all kiss my ass and go fuck themselves.

Yeah. I’m ticked.

Okay, sorry. Now back to your regularly scheduled blog…