Here’s the thing. I’ve been shredding old documents for the last few days. They’re from the 1990s. I even had one bill that I paid in October 1990. I seriously made a straight face when I saw that one.
I don’t know why I’ve still got old bank statements and old bills. I’ve been trying to figure that out. The best I can come up with is I shoved it all in a box and forgot about it. And I’ve been moving it from home to home ever since. That’s over 20 years of dragging this shit around. WTF?
I find this task to be difficult. Not only is it a mountain of old documents that I have to dispose of properly…but it’s also painful reminders of what a total dumbass I was. I seriously don’t know how I survived these years. I had a car payment and rent. I had cable and a cell phone. My first one – which was through Southwestern Bell. That is so funny to me. I can’t believe I’ve had this phone THAT long. Anyway… a bill from TCI Cable for $70. The TU Electric bill for $115 (now it’s TXU). Old AmEx, Dillard’s and JCPenney bills. Old bank statements WITH all the canceled checks and of course I had duplicates so I have the lovely task of shredding all the checks TWICE.
But here’s the thing… going through all this stuff has dredged up memories I thought were long gone. I’m reminded of the loser boyfriend I had who was nothing but a mooch. I’m reminded of ALL the stupid ass things I spent money on because I had to have that skirt or that shirt or those shoes. Things I don’t even OWN anymore, folks. I look at all the itemization and think what a total utter loser I was. How in the hell did I manage to get out of my 20s alive? How did I manage to survive on $8/hour? Oh yeah. That’s another thing I found – a check stub from December 1995 with a YTD gross income of $21,000. Seriously!
If I could go back and tell my past self anything, it would be not to be such a co-dependent dumbass. Not to feel like I had to be WITH someone to make ME someone. To not allow myself to get sucked into the glamorous life of having a credit card to get things. They are just THINGS. And I don’t have those stupid things now. I don’t even know what’s happened to most of that shit that I bought on American Express or at Dillard’s. It’s just money I totally squandered away.
But then I think if I DID show up and talk to my past self, I’m pretty sure my past self wouldn’t listen to me. Just like I didn’t listen to my parents. What a schmuck.
Anyway. I’ll be glad when all this crap is shredded and gone. It’s not been a pleasant walk down memory lane that’s for sure.
I hopped here from Sasha Summers’ post. I did the same thing. Squandered so much time and money. The only saving grace is that I now have a wealth of experiences to draw from as a writer and some crazy stories to go along with it! Are there things I would have done differently? Abso-freaking-lutely. BUT, I don’t think I’d be the person I am if I hadn’t done that stuff. And I’ve been shredding old bills too, but mine only go back to 2005
I lost the other stuff long ago in cross country moves. Great post, Michelle.
Hi Melanie! You are so right in that the things we did then is what made us who we are today. I’m almost done with the 90s. For good.
Thanks for coming by!
We’ve all been there – spent too much money that really wasn’t ours, had moocher friends, and lived on income that wouldn’t have sustained a fly. Just look how far you’ve come.
At least you’re not still there. We all have known (or know) people who just keep repeating the same stupid mistakes.
That is a valid point, BK. Thank goodness I’m still not stupid