Deep Thoughts by Mik

Quote of the Day:
IF love make me forsworn, how shall I swear to love?
–The Passionate Pilgrim V, William Shakespeare

Yesterday was quite busy at the office. The HP guy came and replaced the rollers on the manual feed tray of my color printer and everything is printing just fantastic now. I called him the HP Dude and I’m not sure he was very receptive to that. Oh well.

The printer is actually pretty old and someone mentioned that it could have an unfortunate accident so we can get a new one (jokingly of course) and so I said, “Like the printer ‘accidentally’ gets thrown off the roof?” It was a well received comment.

So after work, since I had no place to go, no one to meet, and the evening ALL to my little self, I did what any self-respecting single woman would do. I went shopping. Duh! Even though I was bone-weary tired, I picked myself up, got in my little car (that I LOVE) and drove to the mall. As I rode down the escalator in the department store, I spotted it. THE outfit. The one that I’ve been looking for but didn’t know it. I got a helluva deal on some clothes. Not that I was thread-bare or anything, but I have Spring fever. I wanted new stuff. So I got me some new stuff. And there was no one to complain that I bought it!

So then I trolled through the mall and since it was really not all that busy, I got to actually walk without having to dodge people. All alone with my thoughts.

Always a dangerous thing, folks.

There are two other people in my office who are going through a divorce. And it made me starting thinking about relationships and men and life. In the day and age of disposability (is that a word?) – where we have disposable cameras, disposable diapers, disposable telephones for God’s sake – are relationships just as disposable? Do we flush a relationship down the toilet when it just gets too hard? When that other person changes and not to our liking, do we stop trying? And when you’ve been with someone for a long time, do you get too comfortable? Or do you remain guarded, where you can’t really be your true self?

I suppose in my case, we grew apart and I grew up. I became independent of him, trying desperate to spread my wings only to be brought right back down to Earth again when I least expected it. To try and do something I’ve always wanted to do my entire life only to have the dream nearly shattered because it just wasn’t all that important to the other person. What’s wrong with individuality? Why can’t you be in a relationship and remain true to yourself, live your life the way you want and still be with someone you love? I think it’s possible. I think couples do it every day. I also think it’s a job meant for two. Not one. No one person should have to do 110% of the work to make it happen.

So I decided. I will live my life for myself. No one else. And whoever comes into it – whoever decides to take the challenge of Me upon themselves – will be in for a helluva ride. He has to be strong and willing to let me be myself. Someone who will allow me to do what I need to do to accomplish my goals, and celebrate with me with I achieve them. This all sounds very selfish, I suppose, but I know deep inside, I will reciprocate that to someone who’s willing to love me for me. I will appreciate him more for it and vice versa. And if that man doesn’t exist, then I will still live happily ever after. Because I have everything a girl could ever want – a beautiful son and a life that’s all my own.

And now that I’m done waxing philosophical, it’s time for work. And coffee.

By Michelle

I wish you all could be inside my head. The conversation is sparkling.