Quote of the Day:
Language is a wonderful thing. It can be used to express thoughts, to conceal thoughts, or to replace thinking.
My brain is empty. At least, thatâ€™s how it feels.
I was tired last night, and since I had left my thumb drive at the office (GRR), I crashed early. Iâ€™ve been trying to write, but all I can seem to do is edit. Edit the serial. Edit the book. I get somewhat motivated and then lose my momentum.
I have no more excuses, really. Even though my friend reminds me that Iâ€™ve had a major upheaval in my life. But the contest is over, the marriage is over, and the day job is calm. All I have to do is sit down and write and I canâ€™t even seem to do that. My other friend is definitely a huge inspiration. She writes every day no matter what. She emails me daily with her page count. I know what sheâ€™s thinking â€“ what have you written today?
The answer is a gigantic goose egg. A big ole nothing. A large fat ZERO. No words. No pages. My muse has deserted me. Where is my inspiration? Where is my motivation? Youâ€™d think with two books coming out this year, I could make it happen. I should be fired up. On fire. Burning up the keyboard and the midnight oil. I have all the time in the world to write. Yetâ€¦I canâ€™t.
What is wrong with me? I want to. I really do. I want to write. I want to create, to make those words appear on paper. Maybe itâ€™s because I canâ€™t work out the plot of Story #1 or that I canâ€™t figure out my characters motivation of Story #2. Or maybeâ€¦just maybeâ€¦Iâ€™m trying too bloody hard.
Okay, thereâ€™s a thought. So if I stop trying so hard, then I can write. But then I spend all my time NOT trying so hard, not to force and what happens? Iâ€™m still blocked! Itâ€™s a vicious circle, I tell you! Itâ€™s like Iâ€™m running on a treadmill â€“ Iâ€™m working my ass off and Iâ€™m getting nowhere fast.
I guess thatâ€™s my dilemma today. The Iâ€™m-Still-Not-Writing dilemma. I sit and ask myself: Whatâ€™s it gonna take? What will make me sit down and write when I have distraction after distraction? How can I get that focus and determination back? I have no one trying to put me in a box and tell me how to live anymore. I have no one threatened by imminent success. (Yes, I said imminent.) Even when I try to pump myself up with â€œYouâ€™re talented and completely fabulous. You can do thisâ€ I still donâ€™t write. So I donâ€™t do anything. I sit and eat those Pirouette things (which I TOTALLY love â€“ hazelnut and chocolateâ€¦MmMm) and I watch a lot of bad HGTV. And the thing is I feel like Iâ€™m on the very EDGE of getting my groove back. Like Iâ€™m teetering back and forth yet I just canâ€™t commit either way.
Maybe Iâ€™ll have another cup of coffee and start writing something new. Maybe thatâ€™s what I need.