Frustration

Quote of the Day:
Language is a wonderful thing. It can be used to express thoughts, to conceal thoughts, or to replace thinking.
-Kelly Fordyce

My brain is empty. At least, that’s how it feels.

I was tired last night, and since I had left my thumb drive at the office (GRR), I crashed early. I’ve been trying to write, but all I can seem to do is edit. Edit the serial. Edit the book. I get somewhat motivated and then lose my momentum.

I have no more excuses, really. Even though my friend reminds me that I’ve had a major upheaval in my life. But the contest is over, the marriage is over, and the day job is calm. All I have to do is sit down and write and I can’t even seem to do that. My other friend is definitely a huge inspiration. She writes every day no matter what. She emails me daily with her page count. I know what she’s thinking – what have you written today?

The answer is a gigantic goose egg. A big ole nothing. A large fat ZERO. No words. No pages. My muse has deserted me. Where is my inspiration? Where is my motivation? You’d think with two books coming out this year, I could make it happen. I should be fired up. On fire. Burning up the keyboard and the midnight oil. I have all the time in the world to write. Yet…I can’t.

What is wrong with me? I want to. I really do. I want to write. I want to create, to make those words appear on paper. Maybe it’s because I can’t work out the plot of Story #1 or that I can’t figure out my characters motivation of Story #2. Or maybe…just maybe…I’m trying too bloody hard.

Okay, there’s a thought. So if I stop trying so hard, then I can write. But then I spend all my time NOT trying so hard, not to force and what happens? I’m still blocked! It’s a vicious circle, I tell you! It’s like I’m running on a treadmill – I’m working my ass off and I’m getting nowhere fast.

I guess that’s my dilemma today. The I’m-Still-Not-Writing dilemma. I sit and ask myself: What’s it gonna take? What will make me sit down and write when I have distraction after distraction? How can I get that focus and determination back? I have no one trying to put me in a box and tell me how to live anymore. I have no one threatened by imminent success. (Yes, I said imminent.) Even when I try to pump myself up with “You’re talented and completely fabulous. You can do this” I still don’t write. So I don’t do anything. I sit and eat those Pirouette things (which I TOTALLY love – hazelnut and chocolate…MmMm) and I watch a lot of bad HGTV. And the thing is I feel like I’m on the very EDGE of getting my groove back. Like I’m teetering back and forth yet I just can’t commit either way.

Maybe I’ll have another cup of coffee and start writing something new. Maybe that’s what I need.

By Michelle

I love dragons, castles, fairies and elves. I drink coffee, wine and martinis. Fantasy, paranormal and contemporary romance author. Proud Texan.