Questions from the Sidelines
Yesterday morning I went to Sweetie Boyâ€™s party at school. I am so glad I went, even though â€“ for whatever reason â€“ I was kind of dreading it. It was drizzling and rainy and just gross out so I wasnâ€™t thrilled to drive in it. Anyway, it was fun â€“ I got to read to some of the kids while a couple of the other groups finished up their activities. They are all so cute!
I helped the baby boy but a string on his ornament and use the glittery pens (got glitter ALL over me) and then I even helped two of the cutest little girls EVER at the same table â€“ both blonde and both adorable.
I tend to shy away from talking to other parents; Iâ€™d rather hang out with the kids (which is TOTALLY weird because Iâ€™m really not a kid person). Itâ€™s not that Iâ€™m anti-social (okay, a little), but itâ€™s just that Iâ€™ve found I get asked questions I really donâ€™t want to answer. Example. As I was standing with one of the other moms, she asked me where I worked. Small talk. Okay, Iâ€™m cool with that. So I told her where I worked and what kind of company it was and what I did for them.
Then I get this question: â€œSo is he your youngest or your oldest?â€ Immediately assuming I have more than one.
â€œHeâ€™s the only,â€ I said.
â€œOh. Are you planning to have more?â€
Okay, maybe itâ€™s just me â€“ and my current state of mind â€“ but I was completely offended by this question. Why is it NOT okay to have just one child? But wait â€“ thereâ€™s more.
â€œNo,â€ I said. â€œIâ€™m done having kids.â€
â€œWell,â€ she said, a big hopeful grin on her face, â€œaccidents DO happen you know! I said the same thing and then I got my second daughter.â€
â€œWell, his dad and I are divorced so I doubt that will happen.â€
And PS heâ€™s â€œfixedâ€. Not that THATâ€™S any of her business eitherâ€¦
Why did I feel as though I needed to explain that to her? It totally ticked me off after I thought about it all damn day and realized how incredibly RUDE that was. BUT WAIT â€“ thereâ€™s more.
So then she smiles that pathetic smile. â€œWell, Iâ€™m sure youâ€™ll get married again some day.â€
I waited for her to pat me sympathetically on the shoulder. As if being single is completely tragic.
I SO wanted to say, â€œMen are bastards. I want no part of that.â€ But instead, I said, â€œNo, Iâ€™m done.â€ And then I walked away.
I mean, really. Just because YOU want to be married and have a passel of kids, doesnâ€™t me I do. And I donâ€™t mean to be offensive to ANYONE who is happily married with kids. The family unit is great â€“ I came from a big family (I have three siblings) with parents who were married 40 plus years. I have NOTHING against it. Itâ€™s just not for me. Maybe not now. Maybe not ever. And I really donâ€™t appreciate women looking at me as though my life is a tragedy because Iâ€™m single and a mom of one.
Iâ€™m happily single. I donâ€™t miss the ex. Not a day has gone by Iâ€™ve missed the ex. OF COURSE I miss my kid. I miss him every second heâ€™s not with me and wake up in the middle of the night and wonder if heâ€™s okay. And if itâ€™s thundering outside in the middle of the night, I worry about him. I wonder if heâ€™s scared and if heâ€™s being comforted. I wonder if he got to school okay and if he happy and having a good day.
Does that mean I want more kids? No. Does that mean I need to get married just to fill a void thatâ€™s the size of a Black Hole? No.
Iâ€™m happy being single. Iâ€™m independent and capable. I can take care of myself. I donâ€™t NEED a man to help me live my life or â€œcompleteâ€ me or any of that horseshit. What I do need, however, is my son, friends who love me unconditionally, a home to call my own, a job that gives me satisfaction, and a man who understands how important my independence is.
Hm. It seems I already have that.