Re-invention

Thoughts on Days 1 and 2: I’m kinda digging the fact that I don’t have to be anywhere at a certain time. Kinda digging I don’t have to report to anyone.

Many of you have emailed me with lots of love and support and I want to thank you for that. 🙂 It’s really made my day and made me feel like I’m not such a pariah. Or a bad person. The more I think about it, the more I think it just really isn’t my fault. I had a nice visit with some former coworkers at a previous job on Monday. They were all very supportive and just lovely and validated some thoughts I’d been having about my situation.

So now it’s on to re-invention! I bet if my old boss had realized she was doing me a huge favor, she would have never released me. I’m viewing this as a huge opportunity and I don’t want to waste it. NOW is my big chance! NOW! For years I’ve longed to sit in this chair and write full time. I’ve wanted to see if I could really make a go at it. The more I think about it, the more I’m resistant to finding another job in Corporate America. In fact, the very idea of it makes me want to break into hives. I can’t stand the thought of having to go back to work full time and being on someone else’s clock, taking lunch when they tell me or having to ask for permission to leave early or take a day off. I’m feeling very MEH about that.

It could be that I’m totally burned out on working. It could also be that I had a really bad experience and was in a hostile working environment. I mean, it was, wassn’t it? Sitting there all day listening to some jackass chomp on his food/ice all day is NOT ideal. Nor is working for someone who, shall we say, has issues.

A good friend of mine gave me some ideas about working for a non-profit organization. I think that’s a smashing idea. I’m interested in doing that while exploring some other options as well. Yesterday I beat the Internet pavement looking for some freelance opportunities I could do. I’m definitely green when it comes to that area but I figured it was worth a shot.

Who knows. I may suck at it. But in the meantime, I am going to continue to work on my fiction. I have a lot of ideas in the notecard box that are waiting for me to write. I wrote up a business plan/goals list yesterday of everything I want to accomplish and ideas on how to generate income while working at home. I feel very determined.

Of course, I may be sick of this in a couple of weeks and be dying to find a day job. My husband says I don’t want to live without stuff (shoes, handbags, clothes, etc.) but you know… that’s just STUFF. And I can live without shoes and handbags. (I would be lying if I said the thought of that didn’t hurt me. It DOES. It’s painful. But let’s be realistic here. I’m not rich. I never have been. I cannot live that lifestyle of trying to keep up with the latest trends, even though I would love to be that Fashionista. I live in the lower middle class. I have a house and a car that’s paid for and that’s a helluva lot more than some folks. My ultimate goal is to maintain my household and nothing more. Everything else is extra.)

And, by the way, I enjoy the freedom of writing my blog without worrying who might be reading it at the office. I’ve also decided that if I do in fact end up going back to work, they’re just going to have deal with the fact that I write books – smut books – and get over themselves. I will no longer keep that part of my life hidden. It’s not WHO I am. It’s WHAT I do. And I enjoy it. And no one – NO ONE – is going to tell me otherwise.

By Michelle

I wish you all could be inside my head. The conversation is sparkling.