Throw Like a Girl, Cuss Like a Sailor

I’m not a girly-girl. It took me a long time to be at peace with that. No matter how hard I tried to be “girly,” it just never worked out.

I hate spending time getting ready for work in the mornings. It takes me about 10 minutes to put on my make-up and maybe another 10 minutes to dry my hair. I don’t have a super fancy hair-do because, let’s face it, I’m super lazy. I want to blow and go. My hair is straight. Spending time with a curling iron is generally a waste of time because the waves never, ever hold. And I dislike hairspray, mousse, gel and any other hair product that leaves my hair feeling icky. And as far as make-up is concerned? I have no desire to stand in front of the mirror and paint my face in various stages of application (base, powder, concealer).

I don’t spend a small fortune every month at the Clinique or Lancôme counter, though I can drop some serious cash at Sephora for Urban Decay eyeshadows. THEY are totally worth it. I pretty much hate shopping for clothes, even though my current wardrobe is super boring and mostly the same color. Yeah, I’m boring. The only thing I really do love are designer handbags and, well, my bank account doesn’t allow me to spend frivolous amounts of cash on them. Neither does my husband.

There are a couple of women in my office who do their hair in these exotic updos and their make-up is perfect and they wear these really cute outfits and super cute shoes and I just think how much trouble that must be. I wonder how much time they spend in the morning getting ready. I’m lucky to get myself dressed and out the door. Plus, my feet are not what they used to be. I ruined them in my 30s wearing 4-inch stilettos every day so now I’m all about comfort. I used to be really, really into shoes but when you can’t wear the heels anymore, it sort of puts a damper on that habit.

I don’t think I’ve ever been girly enough to actually want to wear dresses. I do, on occasion but then my legs never see the light of day and they’re more like neon white than anything. It’s embarrassing. Oh, I guess I could do the spray tan thing or go to a tanning bed but I don’t exactly have the skin tone for that. I’d come out looking more like a lobster than a goddess of summer. Also, I hate to shave my legs.

If you had to stoop over in the shower or prop your foot on the wall, you’d hate it too. It’s just generally annoying.

I’m not a tomboy, either. I am fond of jeans and t-shirts but you won’t catch me doing things that require me to get dirty. Except for maybe planting in the garden. I will do that. But I won’t kill bugs, snakes or anything that crawls, slithers and generally has more legs than me or the cat.

I do, however, enjoy cussing. A lot. And I drive a muscle car. I only put pink vanity plates on it to make sure the world knew the car belonged to me. LOL

I guess I’m somewhere in the middle of the Girly-Tomboy spectrum. And that is totally fine with me.

By Michelle

I wish you all could be inside my head. The conversation is sparkling.