Another Door Closes

I am a firm believer everything happens for a reason and the Universe sends messages. We just have to be paying attention to receive them.

The last few weeks have been interesting. And difficult. On Tuesday, June 19, the company I worked for announced layoffs. By noon, I knew my position would be eliminated and I had until June 29. It wasn’t a complete surprise. Still, I couldn’t help but think, “Again?!” What am I doing wrong? What is wrong with me? WHY did this happen for the second year in a row?

The funny thing is, I got an email from my editor agreeing to contract Only For a Knight, sequel to One Knight Only that same day. Was the Universe speaking to me? Was it a sign? What now? Crap!

I wasn’t ready. I still had more debt to pay off. I needed to find another job, stat. Didn’t I? Husband and I had many long conversations discussing this. He told me if I didn’t need a bigger sign from the Universe to convince me to just start writing full-time, he didn’t know what needed to happen. (I begrudgingly admit he was right.) We stopped talking about it for a few days. I mulled it over. I slept on it. I drank on it. I had chocolate on it. And greasy food. And cookies.

Lots of people asked me what my plans were and my response was, “I don’t know.” Because I didn’t. But I just kept thinking, I DO NOT want another job. I hate starting over. I don’t want to go down that path again. Not again.

I took a deep breath. Husband took me to Don Pablo’s for dinner Thursday before the last day “of servitude” (his words, not mine haha) so I could pig out on Mexican food (and I did). Over dinner, we talked about it again and I told him I thought I wanted to give it a try. We talked about the finances and he came up with the idea that if I hated it, I could look for work. (I don’t think I’ll hate it…) I agreed.

My window of opportunity has opened. For the next few months, I’m going to see if I can actually be a full-time writer, what it’s like, if I can produce the amount of work I need to start making money. It’s scary and exciting all at once. I’m not ruling out going back to work, though, if/when I need to because I still have those three debts left. But giving myself this opportunity is something I just can’t pass up. What if it’s my only chance? What if I suck? What if I don’t? I think I will regret it forever if I don’t at least try.

This weekend, we cleaned and organized the office and reclaimed the space from the growing giant mess. I created three bags of trash. My desk is clean. My books are organized. It looks GREAT! There are still some things I need to figure out what to do with, but for the most part, it’s a real live working home office. I’m stoked. Did I mention I have the best husband in the world? He’s not only my #1 fan, but is totally supportive of the endeavor.

And so…today starts Day 1 of writing full-time. *gulp* Wish me luck. I’m terrified.