The last few weeks have been interesting. And difficult. On Tuesday, June 19, the company I worked for announced layoffs. By noon, I knew my position would be eliminated and I had until June 29. It wasn’t a complete surprise. Still, I couldn’t help but think, “Again?!” What am I doing wrong? What is wrong with me? WHY did this happen for the second year in a row?
The funny thing is, I got an email from my editor agreeing to contract Only For a Knight, sequel to One Knight Only that same day. Was the Universe speaking to me? Was it a sign? What now? Crap!
I wasn’t ready. I still had more debt to pay off. I needed to find another job, stat. Didn’t I? Husband and I had many long conversations discussing this. He told me if I didn’t need a bigger sign from the Universe to convince me to just start writing full-time, he didn’t know what needed to happen. (I begrudgingly admit he was right.) We stopped talking about it for a few days. I mulled it over. I slept on it. I drank on it. I had chocolate on it. And greasy food. And cookies.
Lots of people asked me what my plans were and my response was, “I don’t know.” Because I didn’t. But I just kept thinking, I DO NOT want another job. I hate starting over. I don’t want to go down that path again. Not again.
I took a deep breath. Husband took me to Don Pablo’s for dinner Thursday before the last day “of servitude” (his words, not mine haha) so I could pig out on Mexican food (and I did). Over dinner, we talked about it again and I told him I thought I wanted to give it a try. We talked about the finances and he came up with the idea that if I hated it, I could look for work. (I don’t think I’ll hate it…) I agreed.
My window of opportunity has opened. For the next few months, I’m going to see if I can actually be a full-time writer, what it’s like, if I can produce the amount of work I need to start making money. It’s scary and exciting all at once. I’m not ruling out going back to work, though, if/when I need to because I still have those three debts left. But giving myself this opportunity is something I just can’t pass up. What if it’s my only chance? What if I suck? What if I don’t? I think I will regret it forever if I don’t at least try.
This weekend, we cleaned and organized the office and reclaimed the space from the growing giant mess. I created three bags of trash. My desk is clean. My books are organized. It looks GREAT! There are still some things I need to figure out what to do with, but for the most part, it’s a real live working home office. I’m stoked. Did I mention I have the best husband in the world? He’s not only my #1 fan, but is totally supportive of the endeavor.
And so…today starts Day 1 of writing full-time. *gulp* Wish me luck. I’m terrified.