So this has been bothering me for a while. I had a dream a week or so ago that I was lost in a deserted Beijing airport (no idea WHY Beijing…). But it was very vivid and I still remember the details (the blue velvet seating at the gates…the white marble floors…the silver steel beams in the ceiling…). Because I’m a curious sort, I Googled what this could possibly mean: To dream of a deserted airport indicates that your plans or goals will be changed or delayed. You are having to put some aspect of your life on hold.
It really hit me. I’ve been struggling with what to do about indie publishing and after I read this I knew what I had to do. Not immediately, of course. It’s been something I’ve been thinking about since then. I’ve decided to NOT worry or stress about putting out anything new. The bottom line is I can’t afford the cover art, editing, marketing, ads, etc. It’s just too expensive and my budget is just too stretched thin.
I’m okay with that. Because my ultimate goal is to be 100% credit card debt-free and I’m on my way to that. I’ve been planning and working toward that for a long time and I have some things in place that will help me achieve that. I cannot and will not put myself in further debt while I hope my indie books make back my investment. (I invested a sizable sum into IN THE TOWER OF THE WIZARD KING and have yet to make it back.) It’s just not worth my mental health. I need writing to make me happy again. Worrying about how to afford to publish doesn’t interest me and has sucked all the joy out of it.
That’s not to say I’m going to quit writing altogether. I’m not! I’m still writing and doing other things to find a way to get published (things I don’t want to talk about yet). In the meantime, I want to focus on other things–like my other crafts. I find they give me a lot of joy and it’s been so much less stressful NOT thinking about writing and publishing. And now that I’ve actually typed it out and put it in black and white, it’s even more freeing.