I wish I had some charming sunrise or sunset photograph to post here. I’m always driving when the sun is rising and setting, though. 😉
I’ve been doing a lot of introspection lately about writing. I told myself this year would be different for me. I would try harder to focus on the writing and, most of all, to participate in the groups to which I pay annual dues. There are a lot of other things on my list, but I don’t have the time or space to post them here. 😉
There was a recent discussion in one of those groups that talked about the worst writing advice they ever got. But what it evolved into was a discussion about how people in their lives did their best to kill their dreams. I began to wonder why that was. Why do people (some who hardly know us and some who we’ve known since birth) feel it necessary to tell us we’re wasting our time if we want to write books for a living?
I think it’s funny how the people we love most tend to be the ones to tell us how “hard it is to get published” and how we’ll “never make money” writing books. And that not everyone can be Nora Roberts, JK Rowling or Stephen King. Well, duh, but don’t I get a fair shake at making an attempt?
I think so.
I couldn’t help but think how sad it was our family and/or spouses are these people who are supposed to love us and support us in everything we do would be such dreamkillers and naysayers. It’s like someone said – maybe thay had a dream once and didn’t go after it; they gave it up; and now they don’t want anyone else to succeed with theirs.
I could tell you about my own experience in a past life but if you’re a writer, you’ve probably already experienced it. I like to chalk it up to the fact that this person was afraid I might be more successful one in the long run and viewed it as a threat. Therefore, when I announced I would like to join a professional writing organization, I got laughed at.
It’s no wonder writers are reclusive. We try to talk about our work and people look at us as if we’ve grown a third head. Or they snicker and think we’re silly. (Of course I use the term “we” collectively here…). Being rejected by editors and agents is expected. Being rejected by our loved ones isn’t and it hurts. We find solace and companionship in those who are like us, they understand us and the need to create and learn and grow and be published.
Isn’t it funny how everyone thinks they can write a book, too? But not everyone will ever try it nor will they succeed at crossing the finish like (typing “the end”). It’s the only career I can think of where we hinge our hopes on one yes.
I’m fortunate now that I have someone who supports me 100 percent of the way. Even if he doesn’t totally understand how the business works, he does get that it’s something I want to do and he pushes me toward the ultimate goal. He’s genuinely interested in what I’m working on, shares the ups and downs of submitting.
And what I learned from the entire discussion? We’re writers and when someone tell us we can’t do something, we put our crest up, puff out our chests and say, “Oh yeah? Watch this!”
Susan Cheever talks about that in her new Louisa May Alcott biography – -how successful people are often told they “can’t” do something, and then they are more determined than ever.
People who are dreamkillers usually are the ones who didn’t have the courage to go after what they wanted for themselves, so they try to sabotage others who do. If someone near them reaches and achieves, it points out that they didn’t have the guts. Few people can look at themselves, acknowledge this, AND THEN CHANGE.
Also, if you succeed, it may not fit the agenda of those around you. It may inconvenience them. They might (oh horrors) actually have to respect your writing schedule.
I just cut toxic people out of my life. Whether they’re related to me or not. Makes it easier all the way around. I have no time and no energy for that crap. It needs to all go into the writing.
YOU GOT IT, SISTAH!!! Amen!!!
You and I are twins in our feelings. But aren’t we lucky to have spouses who are supportive?? It has certainly made life a lot easier! It makes ALL the difference, as far as I’m concerned.
Nicely put, Michelle. I think the Dreamkillers aren’t necessarily doing it consciously either. Sometimes they think they’re protecting us, or helping us see the harsh reality. But you’re right – the key is not giving them the power to do it.
So true, Michelle. And it really does hurt when it comes from an unexpected source. I have to say, though, I’ve had nothing but positive support from my family since the day I decided to try writing. Heck, my older brother found a local’s writer’s group, bought a conference package and gave it to me as a birthday present! My mom’s motto growing up was “Don’t stifle” as in go, create, be free. I love that. And I try to surround myself with like-minded individuals. Good for Man for being supportive, it’s a great thing, especially with your talent!
This is so true, Michelle. I find that my family in particular doesn’t say anything to try and kill my dreams, but they do, nevertheless, by their silence about my pursuits. Silence can be deafening. As much as I loved my husband when he was still alive, he used to talk about my writing my little books. Only after my more than fifteen years of pursuing my dream did he actually start to gain a new respect for what I was doing. You’re fortunate your hubby does from the get-go.
Bobbye
Love the post, Michelle. I’m right there with you. Rejection hurts – but more so when it comes from unexpected places. That’s why we need our writer friends!
My family has luckily *always* been supportive. It’s funny though the things that do hurt… it’s when they are so very surprised that I have accomplished what I have–like they thought I was totally incapable of it or something. However, I will take that over them not being supportive!
Hi Michelle!
Great post and so true. I’ve been lucky to have my family’s support, but I haven’t been that open with the rest of the world (about my writing dream) for fear of the very rejection you talked about.
My biggest problem? Being my own naysayer and dreamkiller. This year I vow to kill my inner critic with lots of positive self talk or one very heavy sledgehammer!
Fortunately, I have my family’s support. My husband has always believed in my writing. In fact, he says he’d like for me to be able to support him in the style to which he’d like to become accustomed. 🙄 As Nikole said, I’m my own worst critic. I also am working on a more positive attitude about my writing.