I have a book. One that’s inside me wanting to come out. But sometimes, outside forces are too strong and won’t allow those characters to speak or that place to come alive. Sometimes, no matter how much you want it, it just won’t materialize.
It’s been a struggle lately for me to get these words on paper. I struggle with it every single day. And most days when I try, I get a blank void. It’s as though the Muse packed her shit and left. I feel as though my imagination has abandoned me. And when I sit down to write scenes between characters that are supposed to be hot…well, I get nothing. It’s like I can’t remember how.
Maybe because my head has been clogged for the last few days. And it hurts. Just throbs. It’s like an axe in the back of my skull sometimes. I swear it’s that bad. I had a headache come on like that Monday evening and it escalated to near-migraine proportions. It sucked, quite frankly, and I hate feeling that way.
Anyway. I feel like I need to rearrange myself. Or something. I don’t know what. But something needs to change and something needs to be different. I feel a lot of pressure, a lot of anxiety. I have memory lapses. I left Monday evening for a while and later, as I was sitting in Starbucks, I began to wonder if I had shut the garage door. And I have to say it really perplexed me that I couldn’t remember punching the button and shutting the door as I drove away.
I had originally intended to paint this weekend, but I decided sometime during the day that I needed to do something else. Instead, I am going to have a “fun” weekend. I’m going to a conference Saturday morning, then shopping and dinner with a friend. Then the movies on Sunday. I should be all funned out by the time Monday morning hits again.
So no, I’m still not writing. My brain USED to have a movie projector inside there – playing scenes nonstop. And characters would speak to me constantly. Maybe because my head has been so wrapped up in other things – daily life things – that it has somehow shut off. I don’t know. I’m not sure. For now, I’m just going to rest and let the mind figure it out on its own. Because the more I stress about it, the more blocked I become.
I told someone today that once these last two books came out – NICE GIRLS DO and A BREAK IN TIME – I was done. There would be no more books from me. And you know the response I got? It was two words: Shut up. And I know he’s absolutely right.
I also know that inside me, there may be the talent but the drive just isn’t there any more. Not right now. It’s like a little piece of me has curled up and died. And no amount of cajoling or pleading will make it come back.
Of course, I say all this today. Tomorrow could be different. It’s just what I’m feeling RIGHT NOW in this very moment. It doesn’t mean I’ll actualy do it and up and quit. Even though I’ve been told – and I know this for a fact – that quitting is never the answer. Quitting is the chicken-shit way out. Quitting is saying I’m afraid to try and succeed. Afraid to take another step forward. Quitting would be like severing a limb and hoping for a tourniquet to make the bleeding stop.
As for today…Well, I have very little faith in myself right now. And that’s is the biggest problem of all.
Disclaimer: I am NOT making light of how you feel!
Okay. You’re having a shitty week. Month even. But writers ALWAYS have those. Times when we want to throw in the towel and just stop writing, or it seems the Muse has left and won’t be coming back any time soon. So we drudge along, feeling like crap, until WHAM!
Inspiration hits. It could be in any form. But it DOES hit. Maybe it will take some time. Maybe you need a break. But you WILL feel differently one day, and the words will flow like water. You’re just “passing a mental kidney stone” right now and everything behind it is all blocked up.
Have some fun, give some time to yourself. Because the Wave will come back, and you’ll be writing up a storm. It’s in your blood, and you can’t fight it. But hey, you already know this! 😉
It’s because you don’t write every day. Every day you stay away from it, it’s harder to get back.
Look at the writers you admire — who are regularly publishing books. Look at the writers who are on the best seller lists.
They look at it as their job as well as their passion.
Having said that, there’s nothing wrong with taking a leave of absence occassionally. Maybe you need to do that, let the stories build up again inside of you, and then sit down and craft a BUSINESS plan for your writing career.
There’s nothing wrong in pantsing your work, if that process works for you; but you can’t pants your career.
So, take time off to refresh, and then tackle it again with a fresh start.
You goof. You’ll be just fine. You go thru this every now and then and your Muse is just napping.
I have been feeling like that lately too Mik. By the way, colds do wonders to anyone’s head. I am always so tired and depressed. Plus, as you say, it clogs the head so it’s like no thoughts can pass through :evil:.
Yes, you need a break and a fun weekend. You simply have a writer’s block right now and that is due to stress, your cold and many other things. I assure you it happens all the time.
BUT DON’T QUIT. And don’t say it again.
And Mik when you have the time please check out my fictional blog “Diary of a Killer”
http://madisonsrevenge.blogspot.com
And please let me know what you think.
Be well and take care.
WHAT NONSENSE!!! You are in a slump, you have been sick, quit worrying about everything. Give yourself a little time to heal. You have done so much in the last year that is fabulous! PUT A SOCK IN IT and CHILL!
from Dr. Ma Deuce
Hi Michelle, from a fellow romance writer sick in bed with a bad cold. Google alerts picked up your blog as Nice Girls Do is the title of my latest novel coming out in the US in the next couple of weeks (I’m from the UK). I write full time, in the sense that I don’t have any other employment, but spend most of my time procrastinating and bitching about the writing. Hey, that’s just how some of us work. We’re not machines! So give yourself a break. I’d love to be one of those writers who writes 9-5 every day, but that’s not how my creativity works. Good luck with your books, and don’t let your writing become a chore
ATB Sarah