Lethargy

I swear, I have a bad case of it lately too. All I want to do is lay around and be a slug.

Which I have NO time for.

Got lots done at the Day Job and then headed home where I did a little work on the Book From Hell. Then I did some brainstorming with some writer pals about my hit man. I don’t like the lame reason of why he’s a hit man, so we were trying to come up with a better reason as to why he is the way he is. And we all agreed that it has to be bigger than what it seems.

It sparked a little fire about my hero and I leared a little more about him in the process. He’s not a bad guy, he just seems that way.

So the story somewhat evolved. It’s sort of Indiana Jones meets Alias with a time machine. 🙂

My personal deadline for having this thing done is the 15th and no later than the 25th. I simply MUST stick to this deadline.

And I just got my tentative release date for the ebook version of this Book From Hell – early October. I can live with that. It will give me plenty of time to get it rewritten and two or three more rounds of edits done. Plus, if I can get it done and wrapped up early, there is a chance it will be moved up.

Here’s hoping.

Sometimes I feel very isolated with the writing – like with this editing. It feels sort of like being adrift in a small little boat in the middle of the ocean with only one paddle. And no matter how hard I row, I still end up nowhere.

I guess that’s where you enlist the help of writer pals. Because without them, you’d be stark raving mad.

You being the Collective You, of course. 🙂

I swear there’s moments I stop and think – what the hell was I thinking? Why do I want to do this for a living? Am I INSANE? I guess you have to be a little insane to want to be a professional writer. I used to think writing a book was easy. Oh, how wrong I was! I used to read a book and think – I can do that. And I can to a degree, I think. I’m getting better. I still haven’t achieved my ultimate goal – acceptance with a NY house. But deep down I believe it will happen. Eventually.

It’s taken me a long time to get here, but I think I’ve finally embraced the whole “writing as a second profession” thing. I finally “get” it and finally think of myself as “a writer” on a daily basis. Not a moment goes by that I’m not sitting at my desk at work and thinking “Wouldn’t it be great if THIS happened?”

But along with that comes the moments where I think, “Gaw, I totally suck at this.” Moments I read something I’ve written and think “What the HELL is this dribble?” and then moments I write something and think I’m just a big no talent hack. 

It’s those moments where I yell at myself for being an idiot. I am one step closer to seeing my name on the cover of a book – in just over a month. It will happen. And that will make all the blood, sweat, and tears all worth it.

And yesterday… I got my “autographed copy” stickers. That is just cool as shit. I can’t wait to use them.