Michelle Miles Author

Adventure Awaits

perseverance

Why I can’t do #NaNoWriMo

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Okay it’s taken me a long time to figure this out. Like YEARS.

Every year, November rolls around and I’m super excited about doing NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). You write 50,000 words in 30 days and it’s a piece of cake, right? RIGHT! And I think to myself – wow, this will be a great way to start my new project/finish my project. This will be SO EASY!

WRONG.

November 1 shows up and I put it off. I’ll do it tomorrow, I think, because I’m still having a Halloween hangover from all the candy I ate and the wine I drank. What? You don’t drink wine on Halloween?

November 2. Let’s do this! Only to fizzle out and stare at a blank page.

November 3! I’m so doing this. NOT.

November 4…Ugh. I don’t want to write.

By the time Thanksgiving arrives, I have a viable excuse NOT to write. I have to cook, clean, get ready for Thanksgiving. Watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Pet the cat.

All told, I had 18 no writing days during the month.

When I see it in on paper, that’s really depressing. I think begin a session of self-berating and continue to beat myself up about not writing/the book sucks/you name it.

I took a step back this year, though, and took a hard look at why I sabotage myself. It’s that knowing I have to write every day of the month thing. Even when I tell myself I don’t have to write every day, it still niggles at the back of my head that I HAVE TO WRITE EVERY DAY. And so, I don’t. And then I end up with 18 no-writing days and tell myself how absolute sucky I am and that I’m a failure.

I am so not a failure. I had a great holiday. I had time off from work where I got to do what I wanted. I spent time with family. That is not a failure! That is an accomplishment.

I think NaNo is a great tool for new writers who want to complete a novel. But for me, not a new writer, I don’t need that tool as much as I need to discipline myself and write the words that matter. Not the words that are just junk on the page. I’m not a perfectionist by any means, but I am the type of writer that has to go back and re-read the previous days’ work to get the creative juices flowing again. And sitting down to “barf” out the words doesn’t work for me. Plus, my books have grown a lot longer than 50k because I usually have a lot of story to tell.

I can’t write every day either; I write Monday through Friday. I typically do not write on the weekends because that’s reserved for the family and errands and weekend stuff.

I think the most important lesson is to know my process. I think the idea of NaNo puts too much pressure on me to allow the creativity to flow. That is NOT my process. Even though I adore the idea of getting that Winner badge, I don’t think it’s really something I need to achieve anymore to feel like a writer.

I already AM a writer.

#Writing is a Struggle

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So I’ve noticed a pattern with myself. I have this love/hate relationship with writing.

Some days I really love writing. Other days it’s like slogging through the mud trying to force your feet to take that next step. I look at my sales and I wonder why the hell I’m even bothering. I wonder if anyone out there is reading my books. I wonder why I continue to torture myself with these endless interior monologues of “should I keep going or not” and if I really DO love writing books as much as I think I do. Or have I just merely conditioned my subconscious to love it? And think I love it? And keep doing it because that’s what I do? Because I don’t know what I do with myself if I didn’t write?

And then I think… okay, I can do this. I WILL do this. If [INSERT NAME HERE] can, then so can I (usually that name is Nora Roberts, Gena Showalter, Karen Marie Morning…yeah, I love to compare myself to super greatness). I think, Maybe I just need a breakout novel. More name visibility. More ads. More blogging. More social media. More running around to conferences where people have never heard of me. More writing my fingers off and throwing shorts up on Amazon. More getting my backlist out.

It’s overwhelming. And absolutely exhausting. I could wear myself out trying to do all of this AND write and more. And I look at other writers and think I’m not doing enough. I’m not good enough. I’m not visible enough. I’m not anything enough.

And I have to remind myself that (a) I work full time and (b) I have a teenager and a husband and (c) I am only human not superhuman. I can only do what I can do.

So I have to take a step back every so often and re-examine my writing and my goals. I’m a Gemini, so this is super hard for me. Because I want to be in two places at once. I want to do it all! I honestly think part of my problem is never having a solid direction other than, “I want to be published.” Part of me knows that is simply not enough anymore. After all, anyone can write and publish a book.

Please note: I am in NO WAY slamming indie publishing. I think it’s opened a lot of opportunities for authors, especially authors who have a unique niche that a big publisher won’t take a chance on. It has changed the shape of the publishing landscape forever. I know a lot of authors who have done it and been wildly successful. And also worked their ass off. I find that truly commendable.

Somewhere along the way, what I wanted got mucked up by the new landscape of publishing. I’m one of those people who like choices, but not TOO many choices. You can’t offer me a smorgasbord of things I want (deserts, fried food, shoes, candy, books) and expect me to choose—because I want them all. In the old days, there was one path to publishing: get an agent or an editor. Query until you die or you get a contract. It’s so different now and it’s hard to know which direction is the right direction.

I could self-publish everything I write. But I’m not sure I want to. I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I think I’ve finally come to a decision, as hard as it’s been. I still have a dream I hold dear to my heart. I don’t talk about it much anymore for various reasons. I keep it to myself. I want what I want. I haven’t figured out how to write faster/more/better in the short amount of time I have allotted. But, dammit, I’m going to die trying.

#Writing is Hard, But I Love It…Most of the Time

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a-league-of-their-own-quotes

Recently I saw someone post on social media they were done with writing and they weren’t going to waste their time on it anymore.

I can relate to that.

I think it’s a rite of passage that writers go through that during their career. I did. I’ve only recently pulled myself out of that funk. I had some pretty dark days where I wasn’t sure if I wanted to write anymore or not. I seriously thought about giving it up.

Most of mine stemmed from craptastic book sales – those indie published and with a publisher. I think the low sales that hurt my pride the most were the ones with the publisher, though. Not getting a royalty check—or even one for a couple of bucks—was like a total slap in the face. It depressed me on a monumental scale. I questioned why I was continued to do it because it was starting to seem like a colossal waste of time. I stopped writing for a while (I’ve mentioned that before).

But there was a little piece of me that kept thinking about writing and the craft and all that. I poked around the Writer’s Digest website a lot and remembered their annual writing competition. I decided to write a couple of short stories and submit – they couldn’t be over 4000 words. It’s not easy for me to write that short because I always have a lot of story to tell. About the same time, Holly Lisle offered up her How to Think Sideways class for the year and signed up.

The thing is… and what the point of my post is here today. Writing is hard. It’s supposed to be hard or everyone would be doing it. And even though the quote above is from A League of Their Own, I find it applies to writing as well. The hard IS what makes it great. The hard is what makes it worth it. The hard is what makes all your dreams come true. I’m still working on mine. 🙂

I think the bottom line is if you love it and if you’re not doing it for the money (because Lord knows writing is not a quick buck), then it’s not something you give up on after a year, five years or ten years. It’s something you keep doing and getting better and persevering because not everyone can sit down and write a book from start to finish. It takes focus and determination and a lot of patience. And a very thick hide. And as my husband says: Everybody wants to write. Anybody can write. But it’s an author who DOES write.

So when you think about quitting, remember this: Writing is hard and joyful and only you can tell your stories your way.

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Writing is…

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Because I’ve been immersed in revisions lately, I haven’t had my head in new stuff for a while. I miss writing raw material and creating.

I once thought I could work on two things at the same time. I thought wrong. I now know have to focus on one thing at a time and finish it from creation to revision before I can refocus my attention on something else. Especially when they’re two vastly different genres – like moving from contemporary to fantasy.

I wish I could be one of those writers who could crank out three books a year but I just don’t see myself doing that. At least not yet. That’s something I need to grow into. Just like writing fantasy is something I need to grow into. I really want to do it – but it’s going to take more practice and more writing to really get there.

And I think what’s most difficult about writing is the waiting. The painfully slow waiting. It’s like watching grass grow or paint dry. And I’m a hurry-up kind of girl. Here-and-now. Just ask Man. Or my mom. They’ll tell you. I want everything done yesterday.

It’s really hard for me to wait for a response from an editor or an agent. Of course, I’ve been making use of the time this go round. I’ve been revising my bum off. And I know it’s best to do that. Had my book been totally finished by then, I would be writing the next one and shipping it off to my critique partners.

So here’s what I’ve learned. This is all strictly my observations from working at this for the last eight years.

Writing is extremely slow.It takes a lot of patience and perseverance to sit down and write an 80,000 word novel and then shove it out the door to your trusted CPs. And then to go through the painfully slow process of revision. And THEN to send it out, once again, to an agent or editor. And then wait. And wait. And wait.

Writing is lonely without finding those supporting players in your own story. Maybe some writers can go it alone and crank out excellent books but I know for me, I need others to commiserate with, to talk craft with, to bounce ideas off of, and to just be a writer with. We don’t have to love the same books or write the same stories. Just having that commonality is enough for me.

Writing is hard work. Wouldn’t it be great to sit down, pound at the keyboard and have a completed, polished ready-to-submit novel the first time? I would love that! What writer wouldn’t? Not only do we have to create and have a plausible plotline, but we need unforgettable characters, too. And if you’re writing otherworldly stories, then there’s the matter of world building. That world the reader steps into has to be a real as the world they wake up to every day. Yeah. Hard work.

Writing is a struggle to get published and stay published. I used to think when I got published, it would be easy from there on out. WRONG. In some respects, I think it’s harder. The deadline pressure I can deal with. In fact, I like it. But things change once you sign that contract and start earning royalties. It’s no longer about being unpublished, entering contests, and trying to get in front of an agent or editor. It’s about marketing and promotion and getting your name out there and hoping your readers don’t forget about you between books. Because for me, there is a lot of time between books (see above!) . And unless you’re lucky and get with a bigger press and have a two- or three-book deal in hand, you’re still trying to get in front of an agent of editor. (Please note, I use “you” and “you’re” collectively here.) And then sometimes, even that doesn’t work out.

Writing is a sense of accomplishment in yourself, knowing you can and will do it, and knowing people love your words as much as you do. Writing is finding that harmony with your inner editor and hitting that point where you finally know it’s good work. Writing is knowing when to take good criticism and use it to your advantage and when to throw out the bad. Writing is taking that rejection for what it is and not letting it get you down, eating some chocolate, and then picking yourself up and going after it again.

Writing is hard, lonely, awesome, fun, fantastic work and I wouldn’t stop for anything in the world.

Now. Go take on the page.

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