Those Pesky Writerly Questions

Quote du Jour:
“Swoon. I’ll catch you.”
–Almásy, The English Patient

At the office…
I got stopped (maybe accosted is a better word) in the hallway the other day at the office. I was so stunned, I totally forgot to blog about it.

One of the engineers said to me, “So…you’re a writer.”

Okay, usually something stupid follows. I either get a really dumbass statement or ridiculous questions. I braced myself.

“I try to be.” I used my best charming smile.

“Well, I have this idea…”

Oh, God. Here we go. And I zoned out. Completely. My eyes glazed over like glass. He rambled about working for the Border Patrol and how he had these really great stories. And I’m thinking “Yeah, sure, whatever” and waiting for him to tell me about the book he’s writing, when he slams me with this,

“So, you interested?”

HUH?

”You want to take my ideas and write them?”

Not unless they offer lots of weapons, hunky men (which he was not), and gratuitous sex.

I mean, WTF? Was this an invitation to collaborate on a project with a guy I could barely understand? Or did he think in some sick, twisted way he was flirting with me? Sidling up next to me with that goofy-assed grin. PUH-LEASE. As if you’d ever have a chance anyway and HELLO, I’m married.

I continued to smile charmingly and said, “Why don’t you write it?”

“I can’t write a book. I don’t have the education.”

And I do? What.EVER. I’m just some gal who figured out how to string words together and make a story. And besides, who said you had to have a degree to be a writer?

So… with my sickly sweet smile, I said, “I write romance.”

He ran away before I could tell him I write erotica romance.

Score one for Mik.

It always amazes me how when people find out I’m a writer, the stupid questions and statements I get. It’s like they are trying to jump on the I’ve-always-wanted-to-write-too bandwagon or I-know-someone-who-knows-someone.

I’ve found the same thing happens when people learn you have/ride a Harley. We used to be very into the HOG (Harley Owners Group) thang before DS came along. Been there, done that, got the t-shirts. Wore ‘em proudly.

When I worked in construction way back, I had on one of the shirts. Some jackass in the trailer paused to look at my shirt, point at the Harley bar-and-shield and said, “You ride a Harley?” Uh, yeah. “I thought so cuz it’s on your shirt.”

Great observation skills there, Mr. Mental Giant. How long did it take you to figure THAT out?

Everywhere we went, if we wore the shirts, people would say dumb crap about how they knew someone who had a Harley or sold a Harley or rode and wrecked a Harley.

There are similar instances with the writer thing. “Oh, I’ve always wanted to write a book.” So why don’t you? “I know someone who writes.” Hooray for you. “How do you think up this stuff?” Uh, I pull it out of my ass.

Here’s your Shakespearean insult of the day: Thou mangled hell-hated joithead!

Please check out the post below with the interview of my character, Dane Fortune, star of the adventure time-travel serial, The Adventures of Ransom & Fortune. Interviewed by Simone Byline of the Resolute Reader.

Enjoy! :wave: