When A Door Closes…

…somewhere a window opens.

A door has been slammed in my face. But over there? That’s my window of opportunity. Still, I can’t help but feel as though I’ve been railroaded, betrayed, lied to. I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching and reflection and learned a few things about myself.

Always listen to your gut and/or that inner voice. Because even though you may not know it at the time, they’re trying to tell you something. I had a feeling a few weeks ago that something was going to happen. At the time, I cleaned off my hard drive and deleted a bunch of contacts. Things I didn’t really need on my work computer. I also cleaned out my desk and only had a few personal items. I’m glad I did.

The thing is when I first considered taking that job a little over a year ago, I was apprehensive. I didn’t know why. I guess now I do. And even after I took it, by the second month I was already in hell. I didn’t like it and I kept trying to like it. Things didn’t seem to gel there for me. I felt like I was the odd man out. Like trying to shove a round peg in a square hole. It wasn’t working. I knew that in the back of my mind it wasn’t. I even put some resumes out last summer and had a few call backs. Now I wish I’d followed those leads.

Never trust a boss who claims to be your friend. I’ve learned my lesson and well. My husband has this mantra that work should stay at work and home should stay at home and ne’er the two shall mingle. I think he’s on to something there. I would like to think you could be friends with co-workers outside of work but I’ve been shown more than once that it just can’t happen. He doesn’t attend company functions (Christmas parties, picnics, etc.) and I think he’s on to something there, too. Never mix your work life with your home life. That’s my new mantra. Bosses should BE and act like bosses. Not your buddy. They should be the ones to mentor and lead and delegate. THAT’S what a boss does. Not hiding  behind email.

I wallowed in self-pity the first day (or two). But even as I moped, I had in the back of my head all the things I was free to do now. I could go work at Starbucks or Barnes & Noble if I wanted to. Write more books. Drop off and pick up my kiddo from school. Go to the big class party on the last day and volunteer! Actually be a Stay-At-Home (for the moment anyway) Mom for once instead of a Working Mom. I’m free of the stress and anxiety and worry that gnawed at me every single day I walked in that office and had to face that cowardly hag.

I have some things I’m considering that would be a life change. The problem is I have immediate bills to pay but I think I can work through that. All I can do now is remain optimistic and not panic. And, luckily, I have a awesome man by my side to support and help me through it.

My window has opened.