I think every writer has one of “those” days. Yesterday was it for me. Doubt Demons stormed onto the scene, brandishing their shiny broadswords, sharp pointy teeth, and growling their war cries. Determined to set me back another notch. Or two. (Don’t ALL Doubt Demons look like pointy-teeth, sword-weilding fiends? Mine do.)
Not that I need any added help in the doubt department. I’m pretty well versed on my own, thankyouverymuch. But yesterday was a particular doubtful day. I love to hear when my friends get deals – I really do. But sometimes it makes you sit back and think, “Huh. Does my stuff suck?”
And the answer always is, “Yes, of course, you ninny. What makes you think you can write worth a damn?”
I got to thinking about my writing, my career course, and everything in between. It depressed me. Oh, SURE, you say. You have five books published. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I realize most people never even get an offer. I realize some are stuck in the slush pile. And some get this close only to get that no (been there). I’ve received 12 rejections on the same book from 12 different agents. Still waiting on some. I had intended to query more but then I thought, what’s the point? They’re just going to reject it, too. Maybe this book is never meant to see the light of day. Maybe it should be retired to the proverbial drawer. Maybe it should be shot.
The Doubt Demons drooled.
You’re not good enough.
All your characters sound the same in every book.
You’re so not original.
You will never be published again.
Give it up, Miles, while you’re still ahead of the game.
Oh, the pressure. And so I started thinking about the writing again. Where I wanted to go, how I wanted to get there. What is my plan? My direction? What is going to be the outcome? Maybe I’m just not ready for an agent, yet. Maybe I need to keep trying with the publishers and forget the agent. That’s what I came up with so far.
I think I’ve decided it might be too soon on the agent-hunt. I’m not ready. I’m not polished enough, not good enough, not ground-breaking enough. I need to sit down, figure out my career goals, how I want to achieve them, and how fast. Which is all fine and good but when you have demands on your time by things beyond your control, it gets mighty frustrating. Beyond frustrating.
So I’m writing this because I have a case of the “blues” (and Doubt Demons breathing down my neck). I don’t expect anyone to sympathize with me or give me any advice. I’m just venting. I’m mad at myself. And disappointed I’m not farther along than I wanted to be. And I have doubts. Lots of them. I will get through them, I know. But for now, I’m just going to wallow.
Wallowing is ALLOWED, you know. Because after you’re finished wallowing, you feel recharged and much better!
Writing is a process. We are constantly evolving and growing our writing. Think of the stuff you wrote five years ago, and how much different (and better!) your writing is now.
Tell those demons to f*** off.
You described the Doubt Demons perfetly. They smell, too, don’t they? And they’re covered with a green-black ooze that leaves trails on the floor. Seriously, we should write a superhero comic where SuperWriters beat back the Doubt Demons. And when they attack, logic flies out of the window. Intellectucal truth means nothing, and emotinoal truth reigns. You have a dark night of the soul, and you come out the other side. It totally sucks. And you have a Pity Party for awhile, and then move on, dig deeper, and get back to work.
I’m astonished because a novel I thought was week is now under consideration, and a novel I considered strong is having trouble finidng a good home. It’s kind of like throwing spaghetti on the wall and seeing what sticks. You do the work, you do the research, and, in the end, there’s no logic to any of it.
Hang in there. I’m not going to tell you what to do; I’m just commiserating with you! 😉
That should read “weak” not “week” — obviously, I don’t have enough coffee in my system, and I’m making careless mistakes.
I think Doubt Demons are what keep us humble. You are an extremely good writer. And I am not just sucking up ’cause you’re my friend. I truly mean that. We all need to hear the positive things about ourselves when we are down. That’s what friends are for. They can’t fight our battles for us, but can stand behind you and give the support needed to face all the Demons life brings. A person is never truly alone as long as they have friends. Go back and read some of your work. There will be some things in it that you won’t remember writing and it will be GOOD STUFF (as it all is but you just can’t see it right now). And you’ll think, “I wrote that? Hmm…maybe I’m not so bad after all.”
Wallow, please wallow. That way, I won’t feel so bad while I’m doing it. 🙂
Hey Michelle! Nina, from fb. I can’t claim to know what you’re going through as I’m not yet pubbed (though I am masochistic enough to try) . 🙂 But when my dreams morph into monsters and kick me in the butt, I ask why. Why am I doing this? What am I hoping to accomplish? (dig deep now) And how will I know when I’ve accomplished it?
Life isn’t about doing. It’s about being.
Hugs to you.
Nina, back to the ms.
They DO stink, Devon. You’re absolutely right! I love your idea for a book. I think someone should write it! haha
Thanks, everyone, for the respones. I’m feeling better but still not 100% done with fighting the Doubt. 😉
Michelle, the doubt demons never leave us. I’ve sold 26 books now, have been published for 13 years, and they still haunt me. I’m working on a book that’s due May 1st and is probably going to be late, thanks to them.
I’m hoping the NTRWA workshop this weekend revitalizes me (and you!) and vanquishes those pesky demons for awhile.
Best hint – write a book just for you. Without a mind as to who will buy it or what agent will want it. Write something you’d like to read, the book you’d snatch up in the bookstore. That’s how I sold my first single title and how I broke into Silhouette.
Good luck and see you Saturday (I think?)
God I hate the doubt demons. Mine has a foul mouth and calls me names. One of these days I’m going to grab her by the neck and choke the %$@#% out of her. Wow, I really feel better. Thanks Mik!
Seriously, you’re a good writer. Stay the course.
Life is too short for demons. Don’t let those gremlins talk you out of doing something you love. I love reading your stories and your blog. You have a very nice voice. Writer’s are just traveling salesmen of words. After we knock, some people are not going to open the door, some will slam it a few will invite us in, and once in a while, you’ll get a sale. 😆
Yo’re a great write, Mik, ignore those peasant demons and keep doing what we love you for – writing great fiction.
Hang in there.
Col